Have you ever wondered what the hell wearing pants has to do with having a good relationship? Why is there always someone trying to wear them, or someone trying to get them back from his or her partner. How many times have you heard someone say “wonder who wears the pants in that relationship.” Ever realize how that rhetorical question always comes up, in the most drawn out and inappropriate cadence, when a relationship seems to be controlled more by the woman (or simply not enough by the man). I was a sophomore in high school, dating my first real boyfriend, when the term was used about me. A free-spirited friend of mine, with no filter spoke aloud to our entire class (A semester-long study of the Holocaust) that in my relationship with my then boyfriend, I indeed wore the pants. He took it rather well. He shook his head in agreement, proclaimed that it was true, and I reveled in the satisfaction of feeling empowered. But what exactly is empowering about acknowledging your own domination of another person? And what does wearing pants have to do with any of it?
Examining a history of wearing pants shows their historically exclusive nature. It wasn't even acceptable for women to wear pants until WWI, when women rushed into the workforce with men off fighting. Asking the question "who's wearing the pants in that relationship?" is implying that there should be someone with more power, and that person should be wearing pants. Since the pants wearing have historically been done by men, the saying simply reinforces a structure of sexism as being necessary to any relationship.
What are people really asking then with the whole pants inquiry? Is a good relationship really measured by who's wearing the pants?
Aly, I love that you blogged about this! I think everyone at one point and time has been told that them or their partner wears the pants. The same things is often seen in same sex relationships. People will often say "whose the butch" or something equally as insensitive. It is hard for us to imagine a relationship that maintains equilibrium on each end of the spectrum. Hopefully more people can realize that relationships are a partnership and not a competition
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